Since my mom's passing, I've been so busy closing up her apartment and sorting through the bits and pieces of her life. I'd thought that once that was all done, life would get back to normal. Unfortunately my normal was sharing the day to day with my mom. So everyday since the busyness of all that comes with re-renting her apartment, I'm trying to rediscover who I am without my mom. I thought I had a pretty good idea, but I had no idea how much the things I did with her touched every part of my life.
I now need to figure out a new routine. I am finding the usual schedule of phone calls and dinners, what I watch on tv and when is all affected. I have been living with the tv off most days and just sorting through stuff or reading a book is what I do most. I grieve in the weirdest places. shopping for plants, groceries, going to the library, the bank. I try to do all of them and sometimes have to leave the store. I'm sure these things will pass as I suck it up and try to get past it. But mostly lately, I've been avoiding. I think I don't necessarily need a routine, maybe no routine is best for me right now. I'll do it what and when I feel like it.
I know this is a sad post, but it's where I am right now. It's only my studio to be sorted out now. I got a lot of my mom's crafty stuff, so although I've sorted through the bits I would like to keep, I need to find a home for them. I hope once that is done I'll feel creative again.
I started a doll about three weeks ago, thoughts from the Snow White and the Huntsman movie, that I hope to get back to soon and will post some pics.
Thanks for bearing with me. I really do appreciate all your kind messages, it's only now I've found the courage to rejoin the world. I really miss my mom.